


Come, Vial

by starwarned



Series: Carry On Countdown 2020 [16]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: COC 2020, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown 2020, Carry On Countdown 2020 (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown Day 16, CoC, Crack, DAY 16 - Meme/Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Meme, References to Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:42:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27810067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starwarned/pseuds/starwarned
Summary: Carry On Countdown Day 16 - Meme/Crack“My dismal scene I needs must act alone. Come, vial.” - William ShakespeareBaz is trying to read Shakespeare and Simon won't shut up and listen.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Carry On Countdown 2020 [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026942
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2020





	Come, Vial

**Author's Note:**

> this meme/crack is literally so disgusting I am so sorry

“What, are you busy, ho? Need you my help?” 

Simon giggles. 

Baz turns and glares at him. “It’s not _hoe_ , Simon. It means to call someone or attention to something. Please be an adult for once.” 

Simon raises his hands in an admission of guilt. “Alright, sorry,” he mumbles. 

Baz turns back to his open _Complete Works of Shakespeare_ volume and tries to find his place again. Simon leans his head on his hands on the desk next to Baz’s book so he can look at Baz’s face as he reads. 

“No, madam; we have cull'd such necessaries,” Baz continues. 

Simon starts to zone out. It’s not that he doesn’t like Shakespeare - he does! He’s gotten a lot more tolerant of it since taking Shakespearean English and other related classes at Uni. He just doesn’t understand why Baz insists on reading it _out loud_ on their day off. It’s Sunday, for Merlin’s sake. 

But Baz looks lovely when he’s reading. (He looks lovely all the time, but that’s beside the point.) Simon stares at Baz like he’s never seen him before. His pretty grey eyes are focused on the page intently and his long fingers stroke the corner of the page he’s about to turn. Simon’s always liked watching Baz’s mouth - it forms words so flawlessly that sometimes Simon is jealous. Simon tends to stutter and trip over his words more often than not. 

And Baz _knows_ Shakespeare. The way that he reads it is fucking beautiful - like he understands every single line and the poetic intent behind each thought. Sometimes Simon selfishly believes that Baz feels about him the way that Juliet feels about Romeo or (more realistically to their relationship) the way Benedick feels about Beatrice.

Baz flicks his eyes over to Simon. “Still paying attention?” he asks. 

“Mmhmm,” Simon mumbles, nodding. Lying. 

Raising his perfectly symmetrical eyebrows, Baz reaches over and tugs on one of Simon’s curls. “I don’t believe you,” he says. 

“Does it matter if I’m paying attention?” Simon asks. 

“Yes, you blithering oaf, Juliet is about to kill herself.” 

“Finally it’s getting somewhere!” 

Sighing, Baz puts his hands on top of his book and looks at Simon, exasperated. “ _Snow_ , have some compassion for once.” 

Simon shrugs his shoulders and grunts. He leans his head back down on his hands. “Please,” he says. “Carry on.” 

“My dismal scene I needs must act alone. Come, vial.” 

“ _Cum vial?_ ” 

“ _Simon!_ ”

“ _What_ _?_ ” 

Baz shuts the book harshly. “You are a menace. A plague upon society.” 

“Was it not _cum vial_?” Simon asks innocently, barely able to mask the smile in his voice. He loves teasing Baz like this.

“You know full well it was not.” 

“I think that’s how it’s meant to be read.” 

“Shut up.” 

Simon grins as Baz reopens the book to where he was previously reading. Before he can continue the scene, Simon stands up and steps behind Baz, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Think we should make our own cum vial?” he asks. 

“I beg you to not,” Baz says, exasperated. 

“What?” Simon says. “It’ll be fun! In the name of William Shakespeare, we have to!” 

“I’m not sure you’ve thought through the physical demands of said scenario, darling.” 

“Easy,” Simon insists, leaning his hands on the back of Baz’s desk chair. “I’ll just make you come-” 

“Enough!” Baz says quickly, getting up from his chair and turning around so he can face Simon. He leans back against the desk and places his hands on either side of himself so he can hold himself up while still looking casual. “You’re disgusting.” 

Simon shrugs. “I think you’d like it,” he says. He takes his grip on the chair and slides it out of the way of the desk. He takes that extra step in so he’s almost chest to chest with Baz. “Don’t you?” 

Baz rolls his eyes. “You’re not going to seduce me by decimating Shakespeare, darling.” 

Pouting, Simon presses his hands on either side of Baz’s on the lip of the desk. “You sure?” 

“Cum vial?” Baz asks, accusatory. “You think the phrase _cum vial_ is going to get me hot and bothered? Just ready to fall into bed with you?” 

“I think you’re ready to fall into bed with me no matter what I say,” Simon mumbles, leaning his head down to press into Baz’s neck. He just lets his mouth hover over Baz’s skin, teasingly. 

“You think too highly of yourself,” Baz insists, even though Simon _knows_ Baz. Simon knows that Baz is the horniest vampire he’s ever met (and he’s met Lamb _and_ Nicodemus) and that Baz would quite literally spend all day in bed if he could. 

Simon tilts his head in order to kiss just under Baz’s jaw, appreciates the shudder that runs through Baz’s body, and steps away from him. “Let’s get back to it,” he says abruptly. 

“What?” Baz asks, disconcerted by the sudden change in tactic. 

“Juliet isn’t going to kill herself without our help,” Simon says, pulling the chair back in front of Baz. 

Baz sits down in it slowly, still unnerved, but ready to finish reading. They’re so close to the end. He opens up his _Complete Works_ and waits for Simon to join him in sitting again. He doesn’t. 

“Go ahead,” Simon says, leaning his hands on the back of Baz’s chair and setting his chin on the top of Baz’s head. 

Then, when Baz starts to read out, “What if this mixture do not work at all?”, Simon cuts him off by placing his mouth by his ear. 

“I’m going to get started on the cum vial without you,” Simon mumbles, which is _not_ the sexiest way to say that, but it still sends a thrill down Baz’s back (he’s a constant disappointment to himself). 

When Simon’s warmth disappears from behind him, Baz continues to read. There’s no way that Simon’s serious. “Shall I be married then to-morrow morning? No, no-”

There’s a loud moan from just behind him where Baz assumes Simon has taken up residence on the bed. 

Baz sighs loudly and sets the book down once again. He closes it gingerly and stands up. He turns and, sure enough, finds Simon sprawled out on the bed with a hand down his trousers. 

Baz joins him. 

Fuck Shakespeare.

**Author's Note:**

> yes this is inspired by my roommate and I reading romeo and juliet and making a joke about cum vial


End file.
